day should
you wake up
in cancerland
When my "brother-in-law" Michal Ginter saw Cancerland, he got the idea of recording a Podcast discussion with me on it and many other related topics. You can listen to the conversation in English here.
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You have won a prize in the Lottery of Bad Luck: an entrance bracelet to the Cancer Land Theme Park! Welcome!
Each bracelet contains a personally selected choice of gadgets, which the bracelet holder must visit before the Exit gate is satisfied and will let you out, back to Health.
2. VISITOR CENTRE
Sorry. Family or friends are not allowed to come with you to Cancer Land. They can only follow your doings behind a glass and shout encouragements. You can also go to greet them and get sympathy, but with the Cancer Land gadgets you must cope all alone.
3. SURVEILLANCE TOWER AND ELECTRICAL FENCE
A visit in our park can be quite weary and several visitors are willing to interrupt their stay.
However, we have a qualified staff and a fence, in which runs an electric current ready to remind you about staying in the area. They are taking care that all the visitors really do visit the gadgets dictated by their bracelets.
4. CINEMA "TORTURE RACK"
So, you've had some symptoms and your docs have investigated them with blood tests, imaging studies and biopsies. Welcome to our murky cinema! We'll offer you a personally tailored film, loaded with suspense from the beginning to the end: we guarantee chilly glimpses on all the horrible and fatal diseases, which your sub-conscious only can imagine. You'll also have to wait for the final solution painfully long.
My homepage (in Finnish).
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Your diagnosis is finally at hand! Meet your monster eye-to-eye in this fighting ring and experience the good old atmosphere of a gladiator
battle! Somebody will get beaten up, but nobody knows yet who!
6. VOMIT COMET
This is a chemo centrifuge, which will twist and shake you to the point, where you already wonder how you still are alive of all the general malaise. And then yet a couple of rounds more! But remember your mother's useful words: this is only for your own good!
7. BARBERSHOP ALL AWAY
Our theme park offers also services for your beauty. Barbershop All Away may not have hair model catalogues to browse and the hair
clipper has only one setting, but at least the hair style is for free!
8. TOWER OF HOPE
is the most popular gadget in Cancer Land -and not a wonder. The tower reaches over the area, and as you wear yourself out in the other gadgets, you can go to admire wonderful views to Health, which opens outside the park.
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9. PIT OF DESPAIR
Sometimes, when descending the Tower of Hope you may slip into this pit. It's walls are muddy and slippery and climbing them can sometimes be quite difficult.
10. FISHING
Come to pull the fishing lines and try whether an insult or a pearl of gold comes from the mouth of a fellow citizen after hearing about your disease.
11. Y. UCK'S RESTAURANT
Our Theme Restaurant offers a selection of "funny foods". They look completely normal, but elicit a brutal nausea, if you try to eat or only approach them. Note: a bucket for vomits can be found around the corner.
12. PUNY PUKE
is a handy, small nausea mixer, a gadget that changes its location in the park all the time. Puny Puke attacks often without a clear reason, but particularly often then, when you already thought you overcame your latest ride in the Vomit Comet. For its size it gives you a surprisingly strong nausea. Attention: is lurking quite often around the restaurant.
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This Zoo displays a wide variety of mosters, one more scary than the other. Find your own among them and see which of you will win a staring contest.
14. ARCADE
Here you can test your reaction speed and intelligence in many exciting games. For example those, who like proper shooting games, can destroy vividly reproducing and aggressive cancer cells with a gamma cannon, whereas those who prefer strategy games, can develop gene therapies against cancers.
15. KIOSK
This kiosk offers a variety of pills, some of which may even ease the misery of spinning in the Vomit Comet.
16. POOL OF SELF-PITY
Cool down your emotions occasionally by wallowing in the Pool of Self-pity. But don't remain here too long!
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While being in the Cancer Land, your destiny is always on a see-saw and can turn to unexpected directions. The Telephone of Surprises may ring, when you pass. Pick up the receiver and listen, whether you got good or bad news. Suspense is guaranteed!
18. UPS'N'DOWNS
This roller-coaster of moods is a compulsory ride between all the other gadgets and sometimes even repeated several times in a row. Experience glimpses of joy and then plummet again in a high speed to the vortices of depression, only to spin wildly in the anger loop and catch your breath on the plateaus of frustration.
19. MEETING POINT
Here you can rest for a while and share your experiences with other cancer patients. It will give you a surge of energy to tolerate your next gadget.
20. DAGGER THROWER
In the hands of our exotic Dagger Thrower Manuel "El Chirurgo" Bunuel, you'll experience breath taking thrill while being tied on a spinning plate, daggers flying all-around you. If you are lucky, the road of your cancer monster will be blocked with just one, well-aimed throw. The rest will then need yet some more gadgets to beat their disease...
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A cancer patient sees him/herself in very differently, depending on the moment. Sometimes you'll look like a pathetic, bald monkey, sometimes you seem to be sizzling with anger and sometimes your eyes are red of crying. But luckily the House of Mirrors has also positive mirrors, such as the one which shows how corageus you look, after all!
22. "IT"
"It" is haunting in the minds of all our visitors, but luckily a good share will never end up in this device. The rough truth is, however, that the visitor counter at the Exit gate constantly shows a smaller number than the one at the Entrance.
23. RADIO THERAPY SOLARIUM
Some of the bracelets also entitle to a treatment in our gamma solarium. We can't promise an even tan, but more like smarting red patches on your skin and loss of hair. However, also this will help you to fight you monster.
24. EXIT
Congratulations! You've survived all the gadgets in the Cancer land and the bracelet-reader at the gate will let you out. Good bye!
This is not the end of suspension, however. You'll have to visit your regular check-ups, and then at least a movie experience in Cinema "Torture Rack" is mandatory. Probably you can also "enjoy" a ride in the rollercoaster of moods yet many times. Only time will tell, whether you'll again end up in other gadgets as well.
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